Responding When a Customer Discloses Abuse

Why this matters

People tell techs things. You are a stranger who will leave in an hour, you are not family, and you are not police, which makes you easier to talk to than almost anyone in their life. So once in a while a customer stops you at the door, or in the basement, and says something like "He'd kill me if he knew I booked this," or "My son takes my money and I'm scared of him." What you say in the next two minutes can make it more likely they reach real help, or less. You do not need training as a counselor. You need to listen, be honest about what you can keep private, hand over the right number, and write down the facts. This is how.

Who is telling you, and what changes

The steps are the same for everyone. Three things change with who is talking:

For a child, the steps below still apply, but the reporting rules are in What to Do if You Suspect Child Abuse on a Job. For an older adult, Calling Adult Protective Services: What to Say covers the report itself.

Step 1: Check that it is safe to talk right now

Before you say anything that continues the conversation, check where the other person is. "Is it okay to talk right now? Is anyone else home?" Also think about who else is listening: a doorbell camera, a smart speaker, an open window to the garage where someone is working.

Why first: the person they are afraid of may be in the next room, and a stranger asking follow-up questions in earshot can get them hurt after you leave.

If it is not safe: keep it short and neutral, out loud, and finish the job. "Okay. I'm here to finish the water heater, I'll be about an hour." If you get a private moment later, you can come back to it. If they are in immediate danger right then, that is Step 5.

Step 2: Listen, and believe them

Let them talk. Stop working, face them, and do not interrupt to ask questions. The most useful things you can say are short: "I'm glad you told me." "That sounds really frightening." "It's not your fault."

Why: people who disclose abuse are often not believed the first time, or are asked why they do not just leave. Either response ends the conversation and makes the next disclosure, to someone who can help, less likely.

What not to do: do not ask for details ("What exactly did he do?"), do not ask why they stay, do not criticize the abuser ("That guy sounds like a monster"), and do not give advice about leaving. Leaving is the most dangerous time in many abusive relationships, and the decision of when and how belongs to the person, with help from people trained to plan it.

Step 3: Be honest about what you can keep private

Do not promise secrecy you may not be able to keep. Say what is true: "I won't share this with anyone unless someone is in danger right now. If that happens, I'd have to get help."

Why: if you later have to call 911, or your state requires a report, a broken promise teaches the person that telling someone was a mistake. An honest limit up front keeps their trust even if you act.

Where the limits come from: for an adult disclosing partner abuse, you generally have no duty to report, and you should not report on their behalf unless there is immediate danger. For abuse of an elderly or disabled adult, some states require any person to report it to adult protective services, Texas among them; many states limit the duty to listed professions. For a child, see the table above. Your state's rule is the one that binds you. This is not legal advice.

Step 4: Offer the right number

Offer, say it out loud, and let them decide how to keep it:

• Abuse by a partner: the National Domestic Violence Hotline, 1-800-799-7233, or text START to 88788. Advocates answer around the clock, can help with safety planning and local shelters, and the call is confidential.
• An older or dependent adult: the same hotline, and your state's adult protective services line, which takes reports and can arrange help.
• Someone talking about hurting themselves: the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, by call or text to 988. See related: The Customer in Crisis on a Call SOP.

Do not write it on the invoice, leave a card, or text it from your phone. An abusive partner who checks the mail, the counter or the customer's phone will find it. If they want it in their phone, let them save it however they choose.

Step 5: Ask what they want, and call 911 when it cannot wait

Ask, simply: "What would help right now?" Some people want the number. Some want you to call police while you are there. Some want nothing except to have said it out loud. For an adult, respect the answer.

Call 911 without waiting for their agreement only if someone is in immediate danger: the abuser is on the way back and has threatened to hurt them, there is a weapon and a threat, they are injured and need care, or a child is at risk. Call from where you are safe, which may mean from the truck. See related: Recognizing Domestic Violence on a Call and Staying Safe.

Step 6: Write it down, as facts

As soon as you are out of the house, write what they said in their words, with the date and time, and what you saw. No conclusions or opinions. Keep the note out of the customer record, which the customer, and anyone who has their login, may be able to see and which every dispatcher reads. Give it to the owner, who decides where it is kept.

Why: if there is a report later, or a protective order, a dated note in the customer's own words is worth far more than your memory a month on.

Step 7: Tell the owner the same day, then step back

Call the owner from the truck or before the end of the day. The owner's jobs are to support you, keep the next visit to that house from going in blind (two-person crew, contact the account holder only), and make sure the office does not give out that customer's appointment times or address to anyone not on the account.

Do not follow up personally. Do not text the customer later to check on them, drive by, or contact the abuser. Each of those can tip off the person they are afraid of. The help they need now is the hotline and the people behind it.

A word for you. Hearing this is heavy. Talk to the owner about it, and if the shop has an employee assistance program, it is there for this.

Worked example: the basement conversation

A plumbing tech is replacing a water heater for a woman in her forties. Her husband left for work as the tech arrived at 8:00. At 9:15, while the tech is in the basement, she comes down the stairs.

Step 1. She has started talking before he can check, so he checks as he stops work: no one else is home, the husband works until 5:00, and there is no camera or speaker in the basement that she knows of.

CUSTOMER: Sorry, I need to say this to someone.
          He gets really angry. Last week he
          pushed me into the door frame.
TECH:     I'm glad you told me. That sounds
          frightening. Is anyone else home?
CUSTOMER: No. He's at work till five.
TECH:     Okay. I won't share this unless someone
          is in danger right now. Then I'd have to
          get help. Is that alright?
CUSTOMER: Yes. I don't want police. I just don't
          know what to do.
TECH:     There's a hotline with people who help
          with exactly this. 1-800-799-7233, or you
          can text START to 88788. Do you want me
          to say it again so you can save it?
CUSTOMER: Say it again. I'll put it under my
          sister's name.
TECH:     1-800-799-7233. What would help right
          now? Anything I can do while I'm here?
CUSTOMER: No. Just finish. Please don't put this
          on the bill.
TECH:     It won't be on anything he sees.

Step 5, the judgment. She says no police, he is at work until 5:00, she is not injured now, and there is no threat for today and no child in the house. That is not immediate danger, so he does not call 911. If she had said he was on his way home and had threatened her, or that she had been choked, he would have told her he was going to call and called from the truck.

Step 6. At 10:40, after the job is done, he writes in the truck: "Customer (account holder, wife) came to basement 09:15. Said: 'He gets really angry. Last week he pushed me into the door frame.' Said husband at work until 5. Declined police. Gave DV hotline number aloud twice. Customer asked that nothing appear on the bill. No injuries seen. No children seen in home." Nothing goes in the customer record.

Step 7. He calls the owner at 10:50. The owner keeps the note in her own file, and adds a neutral flag to the account: "Contact account holder by phone only. Do not discuss appointments with other household members." The invoice goes out exactly as any water heater invoice would.

What would have changed it: had the customer been 82 and said her son takes her money and threatens her, the same conversation applies, plus a check of whether your state requires any person to report elder abuse, and the adult protective services number alongside the hotline. Had the person disclosing been her 12-year-old, the tech would not have promised anything beyond "I might need to tell someone whose job is to help keep kids safe," and the child-abuse procedure would take over from Step 3.

References

• National Domestic Violence Hotline, 1-800-799-7233, text START to 88788, thehotline.org
• 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, call or text 988
• Texas Human Resources Code, Chapter 48, reporting abuse of elderly persons and persons with disabilities
• See related: What a Tech Can and Cannot Do About a Welfare Concern
• See related: Calling Adult Protective Services: What to Say